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You already know that I don’t drink and I don’t smoke or any of that foolishness and you already know that I treat people with dignity and respect, well, except maybe that once instance with Carmen Electra, but I swear, she wanted it that way. Finally, you know how I try my best to hold myself to a higher standard than what I constantly see all around me. Yet here comes another holiday season and guess what? Yup, I am still by myself. Did you forget about me? Perhaps, I should whack you upside the head with a x X x to help jog your memory. In case you forgot, I’m that semi-good looking (Carmen sure thought so), clean cut, xxx foot tall guy who weighs x lbs, rides motorcycles and shaves his head. The guy who is in good shape and loves the outdoors, but is more than comfortable staying in and watching a movie with a cup of hot tea. Are you starting to remember me yet old man? Last year, I sent you a well thought out letter stating that all I wanted for Christmas was xxx thing. 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It's high time I just cut right to the chase. WTF is going on you fat bastard?? Damn it--I want some answers I want them now. I’d hate for there be a hunting accident with Rudolph. Better yet, how would you like it if I posted that video of the Grinch and Mrs. Claus messing around behind your back while you were working out in the toy factory? I bet you didn’t know about that, did you. Rumor has it that the Grinch’s heart wasn't the only organ in his body that grew xxx times that night. So you better come through for me this year or I'll post that video on you-tube faster than you can twinkle your nose or grab your ear or squeeze your crotch or whatever it is you do to get your fat ass up the fucking chimney. One more reminder Santa. If you know me like you say you do, you’ll remember my integrity is very important to me (minus the Carmen Electra fantasy) and if I say I am going to do something, I do it--end of story. Don't make me have to prove it to you. 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